(This
is the edited version of the second chapter of my thesis on Missional
Mentoring, I have deliberately left out most references to my specific research
so as to focus on the application.)
Chapter Two
The Inadequacy of Current Mentoring Models
The biblical examples of Jesus and the apostle Paul as mentors are often
highlighted in books and articles on mentoring but often the full significance
of their relationships and their very clear focus and life purpose are minimized
or omitted. Both Jesus and Paul’s mentoring was done in the context of
significant lifelong outreach. Apart from his own outreach ministry Jesus
specifically called[1] and sent his
disciples on mission[2] and commanded
them to continue in mission[3] after he left
them. The apostle Paul specifically chose men to accompany him such as Silas[4]and Timothy[5] on his
missionary journeys and many others clearly joined him at times such as Luke, [6] Priscilla and
Aquila[7] and Erastus.[8] It is clear from
Paul’s letters that mission,[9] particularly
towards the Gentiles became his life work and that he mentored face to face and
through his letters in such a way as to further God’s mission.[10]
The Biblical Basis of Mentoring –Paul’s example
The significance of Paul’s (Saul’s) relationship with Barnabas at least
initially is that Barnabas, the more experienced Christian, who was recognised
within the early church, mentored the new convert Saul at least until the point
in Acts 13 where Luke the writer of Acts starts referring to Saul as Paul. In
Acts 9:27, Barnabas helped Saul to be accepted by the Jerusalem church and in
Acts 11:25-26 Barnabas went to Tarsus to look for Saul and brought him to
Antioch where they stayed with the church and both taught large crowds. Again,
in Acts 13:1-4, Barnabas and Paul were sent out by the Holy Spirit, Barnabas’s
name comes first which may indicate he was initially the leader of the trip. It
is clear Paul takes a leading role during the trip and takes centre stage in
the Acts narrative after this point. What is also indicative in Paul’s story is
that he was happy to work with more than one person on his missionary journeys.
He almost certainly mentored Silas and Timothy at the same time when he asked
Timothy to join Silas in accompanying him on what has become known as his
second missionary journey. The apostle Paul clearly mentored through his
letters as well as face to face.
It may be argued that Paul mentored Timothy and Titus and perhaps
Philemon in part through his personal letters to them as recorded in the New
Testament. It is highly likely that he sent his ‘personal’ letters with a wider
audience in mind and with the aim of building up the Christian communities
these men were part of. As Stott indicates of Paul’s first letter to Timothy,
“This letter ...although addressed to Timothy personally, is not a private
communication. It is written to him in his official capacity, and throughout it
Paul is looking beyond Timothy to the churches. One clear hint of this is that
his final greeting is couched in the plural: ‘Grace be with you’ (meth’ hymon, 6:21).”[11]
Definition of Discipleship
As we saw in chapter one, the word discipleship concerns learning and
disciples of Jesus are called to lifelong learning and growth; specifically, it
is learning and growth based on His life, teaching and practice. As disciples
of Jesus we are called to learn and grow in our own relationship with him and at
the same time set an example for others, and help others grow. Encouraging the
growth of others is important but we can only do this authentically as we
faithfully grow in our own relationship with Jesus.
One very important aspect of discipleship, which is out of favour in
many contemporary works on mentoring is
the cost or sacrifice involved in following Jesus. In view of Jesus’ numerous
challenges to his disciples and would be followers to count the cost of
following him throughout their lives (Luke 9:23), it would seem odd to engage
in close mentoring relationships aimed at helping disciples grow if this and
ignore this aspect of discipleship. As James Houston says “The call to
discipleship, as the Gospels make clear ...is an uncompromising demand to ‘leave
everything and follow me’...It is self-renunciation. Allegiance to Christ means
‘self-abandonment’...”[12]
God clearly uses mentoring relationships to promote spiritual growth, through
the security of strong relationships, accountability, wisdom, perspective,
encouragement, affirmation but also through confrontation and challenge when
necessary.
Some mentoring in churches lacks clear purpose as I found in the
research I did for this work. This is perhaps one of the most serious
weaknesses I came across. Proverbs 27:17, Hebrews 10:24, 25 and 2 Timothy 2:2
which speak of sharpening, spurring and teaching certainly indicate how
mentoring can provoke and challenge to help facilitate growth. The mentoring
encountered in my research may be described more in terms of a passive rather
than a dynamic relationship, a supportive rather than a provocative,
challenging and focused one.
Setting a Personal Example
The need for a mentor to set a good example to the mentee needs to be
an explicit aim. Mentors are often encouraged to show they are learning from
God’s word, are moving forward in their own relationship with God and that they
love others. In fact the qualities often mentioned in mentoring books such as
humility, honesty and openness, and a readiness to give time, energy and
resources to the relationship are important. However a crucial element rarely
mentioned is the need for mentors to set an example particularly in the area of
being a missionary disciple who has counted the cost of following Jesus and
continues to do so.
One striking weakness of much mentoring material and a number of
mentoring relationships is that mentors are often not mentored themselves. If
mentoring is indeed such an effective way of helping people grow why should mentors
not be strongly encouraged to be mentored. This point is particularly important
in view of the importance Scripture gives to being an example to others.
However, on a practical level it may be difficult for more mature mentors to
find suitable mentors of equal[13] or greater
maturity and also take additional time out of busy schedules to be mentored.
Mentoring as Support rather than a Spur to Action
The research indicated that mentees received encouragement, care, were
listened to and felt supported by their mentors. The mentors themselves also
rated highly similar qualities which they saw as essential for a mentor.
Houston speaks of a mentor as someone who “...can help me to expose elements of
self–deception and can probe perhaps more deeply than I would wish to do
voluntarily.”[14] No one
interviewed mentioned the need to give or receive correction, rebuke, or
confront. If we examine the example of Jesus, he corrected and rebuked his
disciples on numerous occasions sometimes very strongly (Matt 16:23). The
apostle Paul it may be argued even went so far as to reject a mentee who had
proved unfaithful and disserted him on his first missionary journey (Acts
15:36-41) although it seems they were later reconciled (2 Tim 4:11).
Assumptions:
Young people, young in faith, short term
Sometimes mentoring is assumed to be done by an older more mature
Christian for or to a younger less mature person. However I suggest mentoring
of older people, though it may be less effective than for a younger person can still
bring very positive results.
Bobb Biel certainly sees mentoring as ideally a lifelong commitment not
just helping a young believer until they are more mature.[15] There are some
important biblical examples of mentoring relationships which lasted many years
perhaps until the death of the mentor such as Moses with Joshua and Paul with
Timothy. However Moses and Paul themselves did not seem to have lifelong
mentors but rather in the case of Moses Jethro[16] gave short term
help and likewise Barnabas[17] ‘mentored’ Paul
for a limited period. These biblical examples are taken from a widely different
social and historical context from that of today and so it may be argued that
their example is of limited value for today.[18]
Same-sex Mentoring
The mentoring relationships are often recommended to be same-sex. There
is a debate in Christian circles about the wisdom of limiting mentoring to
same-sex relationships but this is beyond the scope of the current study.[19]
Individual Mentoring
Most books and articles on mentoring anticipate mentoring to be done in
twos. However, the example of Jesus, as given in the Gospels, indicates that he
seemed to do his mentoring with at least three of his disciples together and
more often with all twelve present. He clearly did take opportunities to speak
to individual disciples, to challenge or rebuke them but did so while other
disciples were present. The apostle Paul apparently rarely spent time on his
missionary journeys with only one person accompanying him. Even when only one
person is named it is clear that others may have also been present.[20] Paul seemed keen to have others join him and
so for significant periods had three or more travelling and ministering with
him.
It may be argued that individual mentoring is far more practical and
appropriate today in western society. It is more practical as it is easier to
fix a time and date for meeting with two people than more. Two people meeting
regularly may facilitate more openness and depth of relationship particularly
when more people in Western society struggle to make deep friendships. For this
reason meeting in twos may be viewed as more appropriate as a relatively
intense relationship is needed to draw out those who struggle to be open with
others and to understand themselves.
There is little doubt that mentoring in more than two would radically
change the dynamic of the relationships. The advantage of one to one mentoring
is that ability to develop a relationship more deeply quicker than would
otherwise be the case. The other major advantage is that the mentor can tailor
mentoring to the needs of the mentee. However the big advantage of group
mentoring is that the focus is less on one individual and more on the group or
small community. The relationship is less likely to become insular with an
unhealthy focus which can sometimes lead to dependence on one person.
Listening to the Holy Spirit
Many authors underline the importance of careful or deep listening[21] for the mentor
rather than dominating the relationship with excessive talking or advice giving.
Listening gives value to the mentee who apart from in a co-mentoring
relationship should be the main focus in terms of the human relationship. The
importance of listening both to the mentee and God is clearly a biblical
principle[22] which is
stressed far more heavily in literature on spiritual direction than mentoring. Rick
Lewis in his book Mentoring Matters rightly
gives prominence to the important of listening to the Holy Spirit as the essential
element of the mentoring relationship.
Expectations and Evaluation
The practice of discussing expectations in a mentoring relationship and
taking time to regularly review the relationship is vital. It is surely helpful to encourage mentors and
mentees to review their relationship regularly and give specific guidance for
such a review. Without regular reviews mentors, particularly those who lack
experience or do not have a mentor themselves may allow the relationship to
drift or lack focus.
It would certainly be good practice at least once a year to assess a relationship
not just by the participants but an outside party in order to learn from good
practice and avoid weaknesses and failure. Indeed, though Carson Pue may be
exaggerating when he says, “...everyone wants feedback on how he is doing”,[23] it is surely
true that everyone appreciates helpful feedback. Indeed some element of
objective assessment or deliberate reflection rather than personal perception
alone could clearly bring significant benefits.[24] Perhaps
the most important reason for regular evaluation of relationships is to avoid
some possible dangers or weaknesses in mentoring. Very high levels of trust may
in some cases be unhealthy as they could indicate a certain naivety where a
mentee believes or thinks so highly of their mentor as to deny their
weaknesses. This can be the result of positive transference where a person
projects positive attitudes they have towards someone or an ideal person on to
the mentor. Dependence and co-dependence are dangers that can result from this.
Some choose to mentor because they enjoy helping people and playing the role of
a rescuer. The danger is that such mentors may take a directive role and not
allow their mentee to make mistakes and reflect helpfully on them. It is
certainly true that, “Mentorees...can limit the effectiveness of mentoring by
not engaging in the process wholeheartedly or using it as a cover for seeking
their own agenda rather than God’s.”[25] This danger may in part be addressed by
asking potential mentees to count the cost of the relationship at the beginning
and later at regular reviews. As a result some may decide they are unwilling to
make the necessary commitment or continue with such a commitment.
Conclusion
It is important that any biblical basis to mentoring highlights the
examples of Jesus and Paul as mentors but does not then limit mentoring to a one
to one relationship. The focus of mentoring is too often on the supportive
nature of the relationship rather than provoking growth. The full significance
from a biblical point of view of a mentor as a living example to the mentee needs
to be clear as well as the purpose of the relationship. It is only as mentors
commit themselves not only to produce effective missionary disciples of their
mentees but to be missionary disciples worth following that more effective
mentoring will take place. These issues are further examined in chapter three.
[1] Mt
4:19,
[2] Lk
9:1-6, 10:1-20, Mt 10:5-15,
[3] Mt
28:18-20, Mk 16:15-18, Lk 24:46-49, Jn 20:21-23, Acts 1:7-8
[4] Ac
15:40,
[5] Ac
16:3-4
[6] Ac
16:10
[7] Ac
18:18
[8] Ac
19:22
[9] Ro
15:16-21, 1 Co 3:6, 2 Co 5:11, Ph 1:5
[10]
Tit 1:3, 2 Tim 4:5
[11]
Stott, J.R.W., The Message of Timothy and
Titus (Leicester: IVP 1997) p 38
[12]
Houston J. M., The Mentored Life (Colorado
Springs: Navpress 2002) p 116-117
[13]
The church guidelines do not give a place for co-mentoring where individuals of
similar maturity encourage and spur each other on.
[14] Houston, The Mentored Life, p 121
[16]
Ex 18:13-27
[17]
Acts 9:27, 11:25-26,30, 13:2
[18] This
issue is looked at more deeply in chapter four.
[19] There is a helpful if brief discussion of
the issue by Lewis in Mentoring Matters,
p 210-213.
[20]Rom
16:7, Phil 4:3 and Col 4:7-11 indicate Paul had various people doing mission
alongside him at various times.
[21] E.g.
Three levels of listening are described by Prior, S., Mentoring
to Transform Lives workbook (Sheffield: Sophia Network, 2009) p 16
[22]
Ecc 5:1, Is 51:1, Jas 1:19
[23]
Pue C., Mentoring Leaders (Grand
Rapids: Baker Books 2005) p 193
[24] Lewis
has a useful section on evaluation and supervision of mentors in Mentoring Matters, p 107-8
[25] Lewis,
Mentoring Matters, p 220
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